Wednesday, September 19, 2012

dear me: a letter to my teenage self

Sweet {naive} 16 year old me, there is so much you will learn about life in the next 10 years.
I know how scared you are.  Scared of letting go, and letting in.  Scared to lose the people around you and scared about the unknowns of the future. 
Let go of the mask.  It’s so much easier to just be who you are and stop apologizing.  The people who are important will see your quirkiness as a strength.  They’ll see your heart and hear the words you speak from it, and they won’t judge you. 
Stop thinking you can do it all on your own.  Independence is important but friendship will help you walk through your hardest struggles and your deepest aches.  Stop hiding behind anger; it won’t save your heart any heartache, but it can push people away.  You already know how well you can choose your emotions.  Choose better ones.
One day you will see that your greatest strength is hope.  You have it now, although you don’t call it that, and you use it every time you get out of bed ready to face another day.  Even when things look bad. 
Your mom is only half right.  You don’t need to carry the burdens of others right now, but you are right to stick it out with people even when it’s hard.  They will return the favour.  Grades aren’t quite as important as feeling like you did the right thing.  Be who you are and be present for your friends and things will be ok.  Everyone will survive high school.
In a couple of years, your Grandma will pass away, so cherish the time you have with her.  Don’t complain about spending a week with them even though you feel too old.  One day you will realize how much you have in common with her and wish you’d been smart enough to ask more about her life.
One day you will fall in love and marry a soldier. Later on, he will go to war and you’ll know what it is to feel afraid {every single day} of losing someone you love. You’ll get pregnant (oops!) at possibly the worst time, and you will learn how great the plans God has for you are. Start trusting Him better, because He knows exactly what you can handle (even if you don’t believe it too), and you’ll come to see that sweet baby girl as the greatest blessing during your hubby’s deployment.
One day you really will lose someone that you’ve held so close, and despite the brokenness and the ache for him that never goes away, you’ll see that your faith and heart is stronger than you ever knew possible. You will be able to see the beauty that was present in your worst day, and this will keep your heart looking forward; to the good things that are to come, and to the day you will see him again.
Don’t give too much of your heart away to people who don’t matter, but don’t keep it closed off either.  You can’t be refined by pain and loss unless you completely open your heart up to love.  You already know that now but KNOW IT.  Live it out.
The future, though scary to think of now, holds so much possibility
Love to you.

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Erika said...


MHL said...

Wonderfully said, and so true

Lucy Marie said...

Beautiful words, J. As always. Keep writing.

Anonymous said...

So beautiful.


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